Let’s be honest—there’s something pure magic about old family stories. Maybe it’s your grandfather’s “how I met your grandmother” tale (which, let’s face it, changes a little every Thanksgiving) or your mom’s stories about growing up in a house with seventeen cousins and one bathroom. The only problem? If you don’t capture these nuggets, they disappear. And no one wants blank spaces in the family memory book.

So, what’s the best way to help your parent or grandparent share their story, especially if they’re part of an assisted living community, or you just don’t see each other as often as you’d like? Here’s some advice—no bossy homework included.

Keep It Casual—One Story at a Time

Nobody wants to sit down to an IRS-style questionnaire. I find it works best when you sprinkle storytelling into regular moments. Maybe you’re sharing coffee or folding laundry together. Ask about the weirdest job they ever had, or what they remember from their first apartment. Honestly, a simple “What were you like as a kid?” usually gets them smiling and sharing more than you expect.

Still stuck? The Family Search Blog has some great, totally non-intimidating prompts that help start the conversation.

Try More Than One Way to Save the Memories

Not every grandparent loves to write (my mom, for instance, swears her handwriting is worse than her doctor’s). Luckily, there are other routes. Hit record on your phone while you chat and just let them ramble. Snap photos of keepsakes and ask for their backstories. If they’re up for it, video can make things pop—just warn them about “talking hands,” unless you want fifteen minutes of waving.

And if a notebook is their speed, pick a fun cover, or gift them one of those fill-in-the-blank journals meant for this sort of thing.

Dig into Feelings and Funny Moments, Not Just Facts

Listen, the year someone graduated high school isn’t nearly as interesting as how they convinced their teacher to let them retake a test. Get them talking about smells, sounds, the goof-ups and the stuff that still makes them giggle. Family stories don’t have to be polished—sometimes the messiest ones are the most precious.

And if you hit a wall? Props work miracles. Dig up an old letter, pull out the wedding album, or show off that battered mixing bowl. Suddenly, the story floodgates open. There’s a list of awesome starter questions over at StoryCorps if you’re hitting a mental block.

Make It Social—Share the Job

If you’re lucky enough to have siblings, cousins, or even a nosy neighbor, get them in on the fun. You’ll get different memories, and you’ll probably learn something you never knew. And sometimes, if your loved one is in an assisted living community, staff can help spark those memories when you’re not around.

No Rush—Enjoy the Ride

This isn’t a race. Collect stories over time, celebrate the laughs, and don’t worry if you never finish the “life story” in one go. These talks become treasured memories of your own—and someday you’ll be really glad you nudged for the details that would’ve slipped through the cracks.

If nothing else, you’ll walk away with a fresh batch of stories, a pile of inside jokes, and that fuzzy feeling that only comes from family.